Celebrating “Dear Old Dad!” It began on July 5, 1908 when a West Virginia church sponsored the nation’s first event explicitly in honor of fathers, a Sunday sermon in memory of the 362 men who had died in the previous December’s explosions at the Fairmont Coal Company mines in Monongah. (I imagine that was a tough day!) Others say the first official Father’s Day was celebrated in Washington state on June 19, 1910. A woman named Sonora Smart Dodd came up with the idea of honoring and celebrating her father, a widower. She felt mothers were getting all the acclaim while fathers were equally deserving of praise.
Today, many celebrate Father’s Day as a way to recognize and honor the contributions fathers (and father figures) show their families. Like all holidays, some of us have great reasons to celebrate and some of us have great reasons NOT to celebrate… These times can bring up lots of emotions for those who didn’t have ideal experiences, whose father or other loved ones are no longer present, for those who wanted to become fathers and that never panned out, and even for those dads who are estranged from their kids or wish they'd parented differently when the kids were young.
If you struggle with Father’s Day or any other holiday, here are a few things you can do for yourself to shift your state of mind, apply the new brain knowledge you’re gaining in our BEST sessions and make it all a bit easier.
1. Keep as much to your regular routine as possible. A change in routine can lead to additional stress while every day things can add a sense of safety for us. Remember, there is no certain way holidays "should" be... allow yourself to be comfortable with what is.
2. Be kind and nurturing to yourself. The day might be tough, but how we talk and treat ourselves can make it easier. Speaking & treating ourselves like we would a loved one can make all the difference.
3. Notice your thoughts and emotions about the day, about "them," even about yourself… and tap on those things! Whether it’s anger, sadness, hurt, guilt, fear, shame, regret etc., whatever the day brings up, allow yourself to feel and then process. Break those trances with tapping and the other healthy pattern interrupts we use in sessions. Tap until they’re a zero. Remember, triggers hold wisdom for us if we’re willing to examine them (you can use our trigger worksheet) and if that’s too challenging at this time, just tap on what you notice.
4. If you’re going to be around those who trigger you, make it as short a visit as possible. Play out the day in your mind and tap ahead of time on anything you think might get a charge out of you (comments, facial expressions, questions, smells, etc) so if/when that happens, you’ll have lessened or eliminated any reaction.
5. Once you’ve tapped out the challenging stuff, look for the gifts and how you can honor their journey, their part in YOUR journey, what you learned and gained in life by having shared time and experiences with them (even if challenging). If you’re grieving a loved one who’s graduated (how I view death) tap out the pain and sadness trance, then remember the loving times, which is how they’d want you to remember them. Once the triggers are a zero, you can even tap in the good, imagining it going as you’d like it to be. Remember, our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined. We can truly change those negatives to positives! That is the ultimate self-love gift to yourself!
6. The negativity bias of the brain means that anything resembling danger is noticed immediately and positive experiences are not. A practice of focusing on positive experiences for several seconds gives the brain time to notice and respond. When walking into any new room of your location, into any new situation, new place or activity or with another person, start deliberately finding 3 things to appreciate, something that is beautiful or something that you like about it or them. This helps set the brain up to look for the good… and the great thing is, “seek and ye shall find!” - We’ll not only find those things, more good things will start showing up and we’ll also feel better!
7. If you’re not going to be with family, do something enjoyable that day or be in other good company. Go to a movie or a community service, volunteer, get a massage, join in with other friends, take a walk in nature, do something creative. Plan ahead so you’re not taken by surprise if any emotions come up. And remember, it’s also okay to say no if you’d rather be alone!
Most of our "today feelings" are reflections of the past - the story we keep telling ourselves and others. Now we know we can choose to create, believe and enjoy good stories! Cleaning up the memories and the clutter in our minds is such a powerful tool in shifting our lives and for helping us realize we are all Divine and more than enough. No matter where we are in life, it is never too late to let go of the undesirable and create something better. We DO have that power. Being at peace within can create brighter days, give us abilities to handle challenges and result in ALL of life lifting us higher! Much love to you! I hope all of your holidays light up your mind, heart and life!
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